paralyzed

Ill take the hint after u take this note into consideration. I cant tell u I love u anymore, not because I dont but because I love u so much that words wont do. But Ill just keep my mouth shut and my eyes shut tighter in the hope that when I force them open it is a dream and all the "I love u"s and "plz be mine"s that have built up over time r welcome to ur ears. This is what I get for letting my heart win over and over again, every time I see u I fall in love again and as much as I hate it I look forward to seein u again every time we part. These words that u hear with ur eyes that sit right in front of u r no good, they r fake, but only because they r not good enough at explaining how much I feel for u. This is my last stand, as I stand up and let u point the gun at my heart, if u want to pull the trigger I am not goin to try and stop u, but if not then plz let me know because not knowing what is goin on is killin me in itself. U seem to say one thing to me and then act out another, like u r lying to me. Am I out of the picture or is it fading? I wanted to be the one that u could love, I wanted to be the one to lead u around that floor. It broke my heart again but thats ok, my heart is so used to bein broken now that I didnt die, it didnt stop it just cried. Maybe, just MAYBE u will get this and see what I mean and I am talking about, but u wont...u will never. Nobody will ever know that this is for u. I may aswell give up any hope that anyone will help this reach ur eyes. So there is only one thing left to say...

You probably think I am an bitch. Well, it is true, I am an bitch. I don't however mean to hurt you by doing so. I do it because I can't fight it. I am a selfish bitch and won't ever be able to make you as happy as you deserve. Because of that, I want you to completely forget me. I know you won't, because I know I have hurt you so, but I only hope you will have a person in your life many times better than I ever was. I also know that that is definitely possible. I always will love you, even if I make you hate me.

The only thing I know is that I will always love you, that I will always want you to be happy, that I am unbelievably sorry for all the pain I have (and if I continue to) cause you pain and how difficult I have made your life. You will always have a special place in my heart, no matter how my life turns out.