incapable

Trying to move on every which way I can. Finding myself paralyzed and incapable. A pill so hard to swallow. Always staying in your shadow until you were ready to let me into the light, and darker and darker into the abyss I fell. Watching the sun rises and slowly sprinkles flickers of light against the grey sky and I think of you. Watching each raindrop fall, gracefully landing on drowning green leaves only to bounce back into the air, and I think of you. Like a kitten, curious of what's behind closed doors, I wait for you to one day appear in front of mine. I fucking hate you. I fucking love you. I hope you happiness, though secretly longing that your happiness lies with me so that you'd seek me again.